Best Fight in the World

There is an internet sensation sweeping the UK BJJ scene at the moment. He goes by the name of Faixaruakimonos and he has been lighting up fight forums with his unique brand of cutting humour. His posts are the stuff of legend. But who is Faixa Rua?

Some say he is from Brazil and a veteran of the BJJ scene now making his own brand of BJJ kimonos, some say he is an impersonator with a genius marketing plan. Who knows? What is true, is that his posts are side splittingly funny and provide welcome light relief from the heated debates that can rage on these forums.

Here are some of examples from the wisdom that is...Faixa:

On the subject of junior grades in BJJ:

frens,
here at Faixa Rua Kimono's we gonna make big promise to you guys we never gonna makey green belts in adult size for sure we carry on for make Green Belt in A1 but if fat kid
wanna green they gonna have lose wait first. So,for sure we gonna support the kids (cept fatty ones) but we NEVER gonna sell out and make adult green belt in brasil the guys already larfing at stupid americans and you guys need for make sure UK don't end up look dumb too.

In response to a rival gi maker:

we no make karate kimono,we no sponsor karate fighter,we only make best fight in world

A summary of how the sizes work out:
Here is special gi for make best fight in the world, not for Judo guy lie on front and turtle, made for jiu jitsu guy make best clock choke in the world.

All sizes from A1 to A5. If you very small then you A1, very fat man is A5, most guys A2 or A3

A1 really small guy, maybe girl.
A2 normal guy, wishes he bit taller though.
A3 Normal guy, make good fight,
A4 Tall guy, always hard find nice gi.
A5 tall guy who fat also, if get side position you big trouble.

Some advice to a poster worried about body odour:
make sure carry spray deodorant in kit bag and when guy in changing room
befor class get tough purple belt hold him from back while you spray him for
least 1 minute in face and all over body shout "now you not gonna smell like grannies pussy!"
this how we deal with problem in Brazil
Faixa Rua's favorite spray is Lynx Oriental for this job

Advice to a beginner on what not to do on your first lesson:

no go to academy with sperm on stomach

On the subject of alleged 'fake' dojos selling on-line BJJ tuition:

man those guys faggot cocks i clock choke those mother fuckers in name of BRAZILIAN JIU JITSU those guys not even pass guarde of my granny,Rob T you me hangry now-why those guys llowed operate?
who gonna smash them?? someone need for go academy and get mount and punch in face front of students then burn their patches and confiskate belt and kick down road until for bleed in gutter.
IS BULLSHEET,NO?

On the subject of differences between the BJJ belt levels:

blue belt=gonna submit most beginner ease include guys from karate and kung fu.blue belt able not get hurt if fight muscle head steroidy on beach or outside club.
purple belt=he nasty guy.gonna be able smash people.SMASH THEM.
brown belt=able twist evryone up real good and still not breath heavy.he not even gonna fight in street no more incase he kill someone.
blackbelt=professor.sometime nice sometime if upset bit dangerous.if pass his guarde he gonna be upset so careful.some blackbelt crazy other nice guy.some gonna contrate on vale tudo,other gonna teach jiu jitsu for student.some gonna be very technical other just tough if guy both he gonna do well in mundial.
ALL CAN DEFEN USING BEST FIGHT IN WORLD

In response to a heated debate between a rival gi maker and Carlson Gracie Club:

man you guys crazey. Argue with karate guy on Internet like argue with woman on minstrel cycle. in Brazil we jus have fight an then never talk to other again an swear life long blood feud
so our children never can be frens as well. maybe that Brazilian way best,is more simple no?

Finally, some thoughts in response to a poster who wondered if Krav Maga was any good?

my fren,
is shit.
i choke most guy for fun but for a krav maga guy i gonna twist him up reel nice.

So watch your back, Faixa Rua is coming and he gonna clock choke you real good if you not wear his nice new gi.