BJJ is a bit like eating out in a fancy restaurant...

Hi, reservation for one please.

I'm sorry Sir, tonight is uniforms only, rules of the house.

How about his blue one? It's clean.

Certainly sir, here is your menu...
...tonight we have a starter of warm-ups, followed by a course of stretching. the main course will be passing the guard followed by dessert of sparring.

Um, sounds delicious but I was hoping your speciality of flying armbar would be on the menu?

I'm sorry, only passing the guard tonight.

Do you take card?

I'm afraid only monthly direct debit only Sir.

Jeez, who is that over therre shouting, screaming and swearing?

That will be Master Ramsey, he's a black belt who is visiting us for a TV program called Hell's Dojo, please ignore him.

Ok, what do you recommend for an aperitif?

May I recommend a large portion of the white belt over there Sir, he is big and a bit clumsy, but he is young and perhaps easily submitted by a vintage such as yourself Sir?

Er, what about the cheeky fizzy one over there?

Ah, an excellent choice Sir, but beware, the purple belt means she will crush you despite her diminuitive stature.

Sounds great, do you do fries?

Sir, we are a BJJ academy, Mcdonalds is down the road.