Blog highlight: Diary of a Teen Ninja

This is not a blog as such, but a continuous forum thread written by a supposed teenager called Shinkengata who studies ninjitsu. Regulars to the Bullshido website will recognise this, but I've only recently come across it, so I thought I would share choice snippets with you...


Day 1:
Dear Diary,
I was walking home from school today with Vampirefr34k and D1abl0 and we saw this hella s1ck poster advertising Ninjitsu classes. It said we could learn to be Ninjas, which is hecka cool. I copied the number from the poster down into my cellphone with the HIM logo on it and walked home. Mom got p1$$ed when i asked her if i could join. She said something about me being gay enough as it is. I called her a bitch (under my breath, of course). I swear my parents just don't understand me.

Day 35:
Dear diary,
I got in my first real fight today. It was totally sweet. He started talking trash about my nail polish. I told him that his feeble mind was too weak to comprehend the symbolism behind it, and he called me an emo fagg. I felt all the power of all the Ninja grandmasters through the years swell up in me as i kicked him over in his wheelchair.

Day 74:
Class went pretty well. Some kid from a cage fighter school showed up and called us all pussies and homos. He challenged me to a match, but i didn't want to kill him, so i declined. Sensei cast a spell on him , so his penis should be shrinking pretty soon. hehe.

Day 160:
Dear Diary,
I got into a fight with Sensei when i went to his class to turn in my belt and tell him i was starting a school of my own. I won, because he went to do a rolling meerkat (!!! yeah.Ed) death kick and threw his back out. Maybe it was my constantly increasing Ki that caused his back to go out during the roll, because i put up a chi shield when he started to roll. I think it worked pretty well, if you ask me. I took most of his students, and we had class in my new Dojo behind Wal-Mart.
and so on for about 30 odd pages. It's worth reading during your lunch hour. Here's the full thread.

Also on Bullshido, presumably by a different author, is the Diary of a BJJ Teen: which is not quite a funny as the ninja thread, but not bad in places.

Martial Arts is so ripe for parody, I'm surprised it is not done more often. I myself am not immune to the odd juvenile gag, but I save those for April Fools Day.

Wish me luck for Sunday. I compete at the Essex BJJ Open.